Creating rock-solid, freedom-based relationships where monogamy is optional…

Who Is Rach Wilson?

Chantelle Austin International's Specialist Coach & Mentor in Non-Monogamy and Open Relationships Internationally

You Might Think it’s Normal, But Others May Not!

Actually, more to the point, I think it’s normal, but you may not!

Intrigued? Let me share…

Here’s a scenario but I think the interesting part is how other people see it, which might include you!

So here we are, married and we invite others to come and join us in the bedroom (or we go off and join them…). Yes, I’m talking about “swinging” but it gets more interesting, keep reading.

Now it’s probably fair to say that our relationship is not really “normal”, but guess what, we’re not alone by a long shot! Do you really know what your neighbours are up to? Something to ponder later…

Recently I heard a comment which was made by a woman upon finding out about what we do. She said something like “well that’s just weird! Why did they even get married if they’re off sleeping with other people?”

Now that is a valid question, why would we?

What does it mean if people are having intimate (and sometimes not so intimate) sexual relations with others outside their relationship? AND with consent which would make it even weirder, right?

When I hear comments like that I think it’s fair to say that we both have a different view of the world and what it means to be acting “normal”. Neither one is wrong or right in my opinion. But I don’t believe either one is “normal” either.

Think about this for a second, are we really naturally monogamous? I mean, we don’t marry the first person we have sex with which suggests we’re not and which would also mean that monogamy isn’t “normal”.

Plus, who started this whole married thing anyway? The traditional meaning: “sex-with-the-same-ONE-person-for-the-rest-of-your-life”! And I reiterate “THE REST OF YOUR LIFE”… with just one person.

I ask you this; whose rules are we living by and are we just blindly following a tradition that is against our natural instincts? And if we aren’t naturally monogamous, then who has the more “normal” relationship here? Confused?

Not me, I know exactly who I am!

Ok, that aside for a moment, considering the possibility that swinging isn’t normal, someone on the outside could mind read that we do it because either partner (or both) aren’t getting their needs met in their relationship. Either there’s not enough sex, not enough physical affection or just not enough attention!

This could be true, but not for us, in fact it’s the opposite! I know that’s a brain bender for some of you (the other people reading this a nodding their heads) but I’ll try and explain.

Our relationship is unique (ha, that’s an understatement!). Many couples will never get to the same depth we have, and I have to say it’s only BECAUSE we have chosen this lifestyle and to explore our sexuality together that we’ve achieved this depth. We have complete trust in each other, and feel completely secure in our relationship. Now that has to be a “normal” state, or at the very least, a natural one.

It’s pretty rare to have such a deep level of trust and security, in fact most “normal” couples we know, don’t! So it stands to reason that they would look at us, deem us “weird” and wonder how we do it when they can’t stand the thought of seeing their partner even looking at another woman/man!

Now consider this; if our natural state of being is love… Who has the more natural and “normal” relationship when jealousy is fear based?


Alright, would you like to know something funny? Well, I think it’s funny, you might just think it’s plain “out there”… Ready? Here it is…

Both of us actually love seeing each other with other people and being a part of a shared experience. When you come from a place of love for the other person, you want to see them happy and exploring new things (or new people!)

Would you like to know why?

Have you ever noticed how alive people are when they are experience something they only ever dreamed of? There is a certain exhilaration that only comes with realising ones dreams, so why should we allow our life partners to experience only some of their dreams? The dreams they have for their lives are often ok but not their sex life dreams?

Why would we limit our partner’s experience of anything?

We love them right?

Maybe your partner wants to experience a threesome with two of the opposite sex (if they ever felt comfortable enough to share that with you), how awesome would it be to give that as a gift?

Seriously, this is just another way to think about it. I know some of you will have a hard time with what I’ve just said but come with me on this for a minute…

It’s all about giving! People who are so caught up in their own stuff worry about “what if they like them so much they leave me?” They come from a place of fear and possession – a “they’re mine and I don’t want to lose them” kind of thinking.

If someone holds onto you so tightly that you start to feel boxed in, caged or suffocated, what is your natural instinct? To get out! To have space; to breathe! Inevitably you want freedom right?

Turn it around; be with someone who gives you the gift of freedom to choose if you stay or if you go. Be with someone who gives you the gift of allowing you be yourself, however you express that. Be with someone who gives you the gift of loving you and letting you fulfil a sexual fantasy involving other people.

How different is that? And why should it be anything else but “normal”?

Most swingers I know get the best of both worlds; having someone in their lives that loves them unconditionally and being able to have a physical experience with other people.

Do you remember your parents saying “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Well this is one instance where you truly can if you have all the right ingredients.

At the end of the day I think I have the best relationship in the world and its more “normal” than some people think. While it might not work for you and you might not agree with it, I challenge you to ask why and see if you’re coming from a place of love or a place of fear…

If you’re not coming from a true place of love, you may not be experiencing the full potential you have to love and be loved…

Just give it some thought and if you want to just check out what the swinging lifestyle is about, or how to gently start into it, check out my book “The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples” for a no BS guide to what you need to consider and how to get into it as quickly as possible if you’re keen.

Until then…

Here’s to your sexual evolution!

Leave a Reply

Latest Posts

Private Contact

This is the free demo result. You can also download a complete website from