Valentines day comes once a year and it continues to amaze me how many couples go to an all-out effort to surprise each other, spend quality time together and really be present with each other… for just one day.
I see couples go out and buy nice outfits and lingerie (well she buys the lingerie but hey, whatever you’re into is fine), they shave, pluck and wax everything to look fabulous for their partner (not just the women!). They make dinner plans, buy presents (sometimes ridiculously expensive ones), create ways to surprise each other and “I love you” is the phrase of the day. They spend most of the time being absolutely present, truly listening and communicating with each other… for just one day.
Why not do those things every day? Well not all of them, you don’t need to go and buy presents daily and waxing everyday is more masochism than maintenance, but spending quality time together and really being present with each other, even if for only an hour or so, and the occasional surprise goes a long way.
If couples did this they would be building the love of a life time instead of a lifetime love for a day. So many relationships perish in the long run because the simple stuff isn’t done on a regular basis.
A relationship is a living entity; it requires sustenance on a regular basis and if it’s not fed, loved and nurtured, it dies. Both partners need to feel connected, loved, encouraged and supported. Think of a relationship being a baby; it’s dependent on you always and for everything. Unfortunately while it matures over time it will never “grow up” and be independent.
The danger is that it’s so easy for people to get caught up in life. Between work, kids, the house and the day to day dramas people forget to do the basic things in the relationship. Sometimes realising days later that they’ve barely talked or done anything intimate. Some couples end up going weeks and months just existing together, which is really scary when you think that for every day you don’t do something to nurture, grow and evolve your relationship, it disintegrates and dies a little bit.
To build the love of a life time means building strong foundations on a daily basis, not just a massive effort on one day to last a year. Would you only eat on one day and expect to be fulfilled and satisfied until the next year? Would you have sex for 24 hours and hope you wouldn’t get horny for 12 months? Hell no!
Building a lifetime relationship is easier than some people think; it’s a simple as saying “I love you” or giving affection out of the blue, surprising your partner with something that is meaningful for them, specifically to spend quality time doing things you both like to do, or just taking the time out to sit and talk to them about their thoughts and feelings on anything and everything.
You know you’ve built good solid foundations in your relationship when it can evolve and grow to involve others for sexual exploration. In fact, a solid relationship that starts swinging only grows deeper and stronger with new experiences and the sharing of fantasies together. Many people don’t realise it’s an option that can take the relationship to a whole new level of intimacy and connection which is the reason I wrote “The Ultimate Swingers Guide”. Not sure if you’re relationship is ready for it? Don’t worry, the book takes you through everything you need to look at and consider before you get naked and jump into it.
So don’t let Valentines day be the only day you really and truly love your partner. Become an expert on making your partner feel loved daily; make it Valentines Day every day and ask yourself what you can do tomorrow, the next day, and every day after that to make your partner feel as loved as they are?
Here’s to your relationship evolution (your sexual evolution is just a bonus)!
