During breakfast, the presenters all had an opportunity to stand up and tell us about their workshops. Beforehand, I wasn’t sure which one I was going to go to as I had the choice of; Dancing the Conscious Slut, Orgasmic Yoga, Resonance Tantra and a Poly Discussion Group.
I had to get out of my head and remember my intention was to expand out of my comfort zone, experience and explore new things… Apparently Dancing the Conscious Slut was it; the one I felt the most fear and apprehension around.
It was about connecting with our own sexuality (just to be clear, when I say “sexuality”, I’m not referring to sexual orientation although it is part of it, it’s who you are as a sexual being); and expressing it through dance… in front of others… oh crap! I have never been game enough to do a lap dance for my husband and there I was, heading into a workshop to dance my sexuality with people I had no established emotional connection or security with. So yes, officially outside my comfort zone; waaaaaay outside it…!
I was feeling nervous because I wasn’t sure what expressing my sexuality would look like… would it actually be sexy or sensual? Would it be freaky or weird looking? Would I be judged? What if I freeze up and just can’t do it? Arrrggghhhh! I was doing my own head in and it wasn’t helping me relax and get into it at all!
Thankfully we had some talk time prior to any dance action. Vanessa brilliantly facilitated our discussion around the essence of sexuality and the word “slut”; what it meant and why people were disconnected from being able to express their sexuality freely.
The pre-chat allowed me to feel more comfortable in the room, and engaging in the discussion helped even more. I offered my version of what Slut means too – She’s Loving Uninhibited Time! Since there were men in the room we came up with a few variations; Sure Loving Uninhibited Time and Sexy Loving Uninhibited Time! Thinking about “SLUT” like that helped me get over the negative connotations I associated with the word when I first started enjoying our swinging lifestyle, so it was worth sharing.
There were also agreements made to allow us to express our sexuality however we wanted to, and a discussion around how it would look different for everyone but it was all perfect; there were no right or wrong ways to do it. Thank god I couldn’t get this wrong – I had to accept it would be whatever it would be, and feel ok about it. As good as my head was at rationalising it, I was still wracked by nerves when we had to begin.
We started with the easy exercise; our first dance was purely for ourselves so we closed our eyes and focused on connecting with who we were as a sexual person. We just had to move to the music in a way we felt inspired to express our sexiness. I was surprised; for me there was a lot of exploration of my body using my hands and a firm caress, mixed with moments of teasing softness. It actually felt really good, after all, no one knows my body like I do, even if they do happen stumble upon a hot button I haven’t found before!
It may have been because it was a fairly warm day, which was beginning to heat up exponentially, but it was damn hot in the room once we were done…
Step number 2; we partnered up and it was time to dance FOR the other person. Oh hello nerves, not so nice to feel you again! Thankfully I was lucky enough to be partnered with a gorgeous woman whom I’d met at the last Sex Camp… Actually, if the truth be known and you read my last Sex Camp blog, it was the same deliciously sexy woman I was tied up with in the Sensual Rope workshop from last time. Knowing it was her made me feel a little less apprehensive about practically providing a lap dance.
The music started and I had to close my eyes to get out of my head and back into my body; the sexy and sensual one I discovered only 15 minutes earlier. I started to move, allowing my hands to explore my body again and allowing my hips to move in circular figure 8 motions. I started to get my groove on and then opened my eyes to connect directly to hers. We had been informed; having someone watch you in your authentic sexual state only amplifies the feeling and connection with it…
My eyes were met with hers; intently connecting, seeing me for the person I was being right there in that moment. A woman completely in touch with her sexuality, feeling sexy, feeling sensual, feeling feminine, feeling somewhat turned on by the equally gorgeous woman in front of me who was positively responding with her eyes to the show I was putting on, just for her…
The anxious, nervous feelings I had at the beginning just melted away the more she appeared to be enjoying herself and getting into what I was doing. It was the raunchiest and most liberating thing I’ve done in a very long time. I felt extremely vulnerable going into this but I was met with total acceptance, and a set of beautiful eyes, which were wickedly cheeky with a healthy amount of grrrrr factor only encouraging me to go further; to let go even more and BE my sexual/sensual self (thank you, my gorgeous partner, for such a phenomenal gift).
Once the music finished I was even more of a hot and sweaty mess, hair everywhere having had my own hands through it repeatedly; who knew it would feel good to grab the hair on the back of your own head!
Half-time, swap sides! It was then my turn to be the witness for her, or the voyeur…
She was a perfect mix of beautiful, sexy, sensual, feminine and confidence, it was inspirational to watch, not to mention hot as hell (just between you and me of course, hehe). I didn’t take my eyes off hers. I wanted her to feel as encouraged and grrrrr as she made me feel, and well… she was just mesmerising so I didn’t want to take my eyes off her anyway lol.
I don’t think I cooled down one bit while I was just sitting there watching her dance (becoming a hot day and all, my excuse) so when she was finished, we were both hot messes but in complete appreciation and gratitude for sharing and holding the space for each other, while we allowed ourselves to be so vulnerable and sexilicious.
The next instruction was for those who danced first (me) to be on the outside of a circle made by the last partners to dance… oh wait, what? I was comfortable with my partner, now you want me to dance for someone I don’t know? Hello nervousness, AGAIN! No escape; I had committed to going outside of my comfort zone so I had a quick talking to the part of me which was trying to find a way out and told it to “harden up Princess! JUST DO IT!”
I got to dance my sexy self in front of a few other gorgeous women who also seemed to enjoy my sensual and sexy display. Vanessa was right; having a witness does amplify the feelings driving the movement!
What was interesting for me was when I became the witness, one of the women in front of me appeared quite plain and kind of shy but when the music started and she dropped into her sexuality, she got that awesome, intense grrrrrr stare and suddenly I could see how attractive she was. Proof in another way that sexy isn’t mostly made up of your physical look, it’s who you are BEING in the moment which makes you sexy or not. She was definitely sexy and empowered in that moment and it was awesome to watch!
After each dance we had the chance to debrief, to share our experiences and it was nice to know I wasn’t the only one who was nervous in the beginning but felt totally liberated and empowered by the end. I think we all walked out of the workshop much sexier than when we went in, purely because Vanessa helped us connect with what we already had inside us but hadn’t dared to let out to play.
Watch out world, I’m even more connected to my sexuality now…!
To find out when Vanessa is running workshops or what she is up to, please check out her site (www.vanessa-florence.com/)
Vanessa is also the visionary, the brilliant woman, founder and creator behind Sex Camp so check it out too (http://sexcamp.com.au) – Hat’s off to you Vanessa, and thank you for bringing your vision into reality for us!