"I walk the boundaries and blur the lines – so others may wander into new territory."

Are you in a sexual rut? Part 6: The “physical sexual problems interfering” rut

I’m not a Dr so I’m not even going to attempt to diagnose any physical sexual issues, I’m going to assume there are some and give some suggestions that you might find helpful.

Firstly, if you are experiencing any physical issue that is preventing you from having or enjoying sex, and you haven’t seen a Dr, then pick up the phone and make an appointment right now. You just never know what the Dr will find and can do for you. And if a traditional Dr isn’t giving you any answers, I highly recommend seeing a reputable natural therapist for assistance. I’ve personally found that 9 out of 10 times, if I’m within normal parameters medically, I just need some fine tuning naturally 🙂

No matter what the issue is, open communication is a must and the major tool you’ll need to get through this with your relationship in tact. Not having sex is ok for some, but for the majority, at some point they miss it and for another group, they need it. It’s not easy to deal with if it’s a long term or ongoing issue but if you truly love each other you will get through it, all you have to do is to think outside the box. Some suggestions I’ll be making won’t work for you, some will, but I ask you to have an open mind and to talk to your partner about all your thoughts and feelings with everything suggested here.

Ok, so now we’ve got a physical issue that is impacting your sex life, many are treatable and some aren’t. In many cases it’s only one partner that has an issue but it impacts both. Below are some suggestions for things you can do to still have a sex life of some description.

1. It’s important to remember that while the actual act of sex may not be possible temporarily or permanently, intimate contact is still needed. Caressing, kissing and external play where possible will still give you both that sexual stimulation and intimate connection. Sex doesn’t have to include penetration for it to help you stay feeling connected.

2. I’d highly recommend trying Tantra, whether the issue is permanent or temporary, it’s a whole new sexual experience centred around spiritual and energetic connection with your partner and in the process, some people have found their physical sexual issues to disappear, and at the very least the connection between partners is strengthened.

3. For some people the act of sex is their love language and this can really impact their ability to feel loved (particularly if they aren’t aware of how the languages work). They will try to show their partner they are loved by initiating and having sex with them, and naturally will want that from their partner for them to feel the love back. In situations like this it can really damage the relationship if this information is not known, so first suggestion – get the book “the 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman so you can work through that side of things.

4. Here is a wild suggestion for people where one partner cannot have sex and sexual stimulation is not possible, and particularly when it’s a permanent thing. These are people with partners who have a physical disability or degenerative disease, and are just missing the act of having sex. You love each other, that’s not in question, but you just need to relieve some frustration… Hire an escort, go to a reputable house of leisure and just have sex. You could just go out and pick up, but then you run the risk of that person getting attached and wanting more. A regular date with a professional means the need for sex is fulfilled and you won’t have it hanging over your head that it’s missing or the other person is missing out, at least not as much, since we all know you’d rather have sex with your partner. It’s just sex!

At the end of the day, talk about everything and any suggestion either I’ve made or idea that you came to yourself as to a way forward for the 2 of you. I’d also highly recommend either seeing a sex therapist or counsellor to assist you in coping with the changes and for specific suggestions for your situation. Other places you can go:

http://www.better-sex-4-women.com – TheBetterSexDoc – Australia. The lovely Dr Mia Rose is a Sex Therapist I highly recommend.
https://www.sensovi.com/ – US. The Sensovi Institute is where you’ll find Dr. Lisa, another Sex Therapist.

As another option worth looking into regardless of what issue, or even if you have no issues: Tantra home DVD course

Here’s to your relationship and sexual evolution!

To read the other parts in the series:
Are you in a sexual rut? Part 1
Are you in a sexual rut? Part 2: The “got too much going on, so I’m too tired” rut
Are you in a sexual rut? Part 3: The “not feeling loved/fallen out of love” rut
Are you in a sexual rut? Part 4: The “been together a while and fallen into routine sex” rut
Are you in a sexual rut? Part 5: The “I don’t like the way I look/low self esteem” rut


I couldn't agree more!


Fantastic post! You offered up some great suggestions that will undoubtedly open up dialogue for couples that are experiencing some sort of “rut”. I can’t agree more that open communication and the willingness to listen to your partner are the keys to happiness in a relationship.

You are my new favorite obsession! It’s hard to find blogs that are willing to tackle the good, bad and the ugly. You are doing this in a fresh and clear way. Thank you!!!