This may qualify as old news. Or even as “duh…” for most of our readership, as for the past few months I’ve made no secret about my distaste for the double standard against bisexual males in the swinging lifestyle, where women are encouraged to be bisexual and men are discouraged from even hinting should that lead to being (as Shakespeare would’ve pronounced it) “banish-ed.”

What I haven’t done, though, is go ahead and talked about my journey on this issue. Mostly because it’s ongoing. There are things I have not done, chiefly having anal sex with another man, but having had a couple of male/male experiences now, I think I can say that I’m a 2 on the Kinsey Scale, and that I enjoy playing with men and women alike.

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This qualifies me as officially bisexual, though I don’t have a romantic interest in men, nor interest in kissing them, so I imagine there’ll be some who will argue that I’m still in the bi-curious category.

I’ve long postulated two things. One, that many girls are as turned on by two guys playing; and two, that more guys would be up for experimentation if they knew their girls would get turned on by it.

That theory though, was called into question by some friends last night. He is very curious, and bisexual play is something he wants to experience before he dies. His wife, on the other hand, has seen him kiss another man, and wasn’t impressed or turned on, and is concerned in fact that she will find him less attractive if she sees him play with another man.

The big sexual paradox is strong in this situation. You don’t know how you’ll feel about somethings until you actually do it sometimes, and at that point the damage may have already been done.

So Marilyn and I were asked, as a couple who has experienced this first time experimentation situation, for our advice.

The bisexual urge has been with me for a long time, it has drifted in and out of my consciousness for most of my adult sexual life. Sometimes it was something I was more interested in, sometimes less, sometimes not at all. It was usually disconcerting due to the same issues that plague other bicurious men, the questioning of my sexuality, which I thought I had a reasonable handle on.

When Marilyn and I became swingers, I saw how playing with women changed her. This act was an epiphany for her, something she could actually do that she’d always wanted. Her bisexuality and interest in girls is now part of who she is, a cornerstone of her sexuality, a defining characteristic. So, naturally I wondered if it might be the same for me. Would I take to bisexuality like a newfound piece of me that had so far been missing? Would I dislike it enough for the pendulum to swing entirely the other direction?

When a couple we met early on in our Swingset life revealed that the Mr was in fact bi, it was a major decision making time for me. I was concerned that if we tried it and I didn’t like it, or reacted badly, it would cause an issue between me and good friends. So I decided that this was not the time.

In my discussions with Marilyn about experimentation, she assured me that she was willing to come along on any journey I wanted to go on sexually, but didn’t hide her ambivalence from me. She wasn’t certain she’d react favorably; and I think that this is common, since male bisexuality is so rarely seen in any form of popular media.

Except for Torchwood…EVERYBODY wants to fuck Captain Jack Harkness.

Once it was, for lack of a better word, allowed, I began to build up nervous energy, to the point where I almost just wanted to get my first experience over with so I didn’t have to think about it anymore. I had, after all, gone from monogamously and heterosexually married, yet closeted and repressed curious, to now open swinger and curious.

My first real experiences with another man weren’t planned, and were during our first mfm threesome, a spontaneous evening that included oral and hand jobs between he and I. The erotic details of this night can be kept between us three as I tell you that what matters about this event is that it didn’t hit me in a dramatic fashion, negative or positive. I left that night feeling that I’d just done something interesting and fun, happy I’d added something new to my repertoire.

But this was not a game changer moment for me.

I was speaking to our resident polyamorist and bisexual male fetishist Shira about my lack of strong sexual feelings towards men. I can easily acknowledge that a man is in fact attractive, but never have I felt the “oh man, he’s hot!” feelings I get for women. She asked me if the men I’ve played with were hot and the best I could muster was, “um…yeah?”

I think this comes from the same place as not being interested in kissing a man, another thing that annoys my darling Shira about me. I can understand why women want to kiss other women, it’s the same reason men do, they’re soft and they smell good and they usually taste very good too. I don’t get it with men…if I was a woman, I wouldn’t be interested in kissing guys.

I think it comes down to this: I like an occasional cock mixed in with the sea of pussy. It shakes things up, it’s fun to play with, and it doesn’t really have much at all to do with the person it’s attached to. If they came attached to women, I’d want to play with those instead, yet shockingly the transsexual community isn’t lining up to sate Cooper’s bi leaning interests.

But what the realization of bisexuality has caused me to do is dramatically re-evaluate my prejudices and thoughts, and come to a far more open place personally. The bisexual “communities” have venom coming at them from all sides. the vanilla/straights exploit bisexual girls for their enjoyment, the lesbians dislike bisexual girls for playing both sides and then finding the safe haven of marriage. Gay guys tend to disbelieve there’s any such thing as a bi guy, that you’re just on the road to gay and in denial, and straight guys, well they don’t want bis near em anymore than they want gays near them.

I do realize that by and large the entire last two sentences are wild generalizations, but you can’t argue that there’s a significant shred of truth to them. Not to mention Dr. Ruth insisting, in a jaw droppingly huge case of running of the mouth, that bisexuals don’t actually exist. (She has since recanted this flagrantly foolish statement, but one gets the feeling she only recanted because of the overwhelming tidal wave of bi that crashed down upon her.)

It’s an uphill climb as the reviled bi male. But in my own little corner of the world, on my little Swingset, maybe I can provide that safeNational Coming Out Day I Am a Bisexual Male Swingerhaven. Affect the change. Give permission to want what you want.

If nothing else, maybe I can promise that Life on the Swingset is a place where you can be bi. Because for a lifestyle that revels in the bisexuality of it’s female members, they can be awfully prickish about the opposite sex.

That needs to change. Bisexuality is, after all a shade of gray. And we all know that NOTHING is black or white.

A Bit About Cooper:

The original article may be found at http://www.lifeontheswingset.com/2805/i-am-a-bisexual-male-swinger/

Cooper Beckett’s life isn’t like other people’s. When he’s not writing or podcasting at Life on the Swingset, he’s living it up with his wife Marilyn as evangelical swingers, spreading the good word that “sharing is caring.” He truly believes that a good many people would be open to exploring the fringe of human sexuality, knocking down the borders between orientations, and experiencing the most basic of human rights: great sex, if only they were told it’s okay to do so. He has resolved to change the world, even if it’s only one couple at a time. Be his friend on Facebook – Follow him on Twitter

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