I just had to say it!

So I have just attended the first official “Sex Camp” and to say it was mind-blowing (ok more than just mind-blowing), phenomenal, inspiring, educational and loving would be an understatement!!!

Before I get to the mind-blowing part though, let me just share my thoughts as I was going into this, as I’m sure many could relate…

So I know I’m going to be locked in at a campsite and the main food is vegetarian.  I’m thinking: “I’m going to be surrounded by a bunch of hippies!”  I was hoping I wasn’t going to be singing Kumbaya, sitting with my legs spread and looking at my vagina in a mirror, while holding hands with a strange woman who is encouraging me to embrace my womanhood… or something.  Ok, so that was a bit extreme but I have a vivid imagination.

Breathe… Relax, it wasn’t like that at all… Hippies are actually pretty cool, who knew? 😉

Day 1 – We arrive late… Oops!  A big no no but thankfully we weren’t the last ones to arrive and we were there in plenty of time for the Opening Ceremony.  It was a long drive from the city when you add in a few wrong turns, arrgghhh!

We settle ourselves into the big main tent and the Opening Ceremony begins.

First off; logistics. Done!  Next we go into Agreement Frames.  We all agreed to keep what happens, and with who, at Sex Camp confidential, and no photos or video without expressed permission (of course).  No touching without permission and we agreed to be open and honest, and say no if we did not want what was being offered.  This turned out to be an extremely important part of making the environment safe for people to express who they were, try new things and put themselves out there into different spaces.

Everyone agreed to everything except one man; he said he could not agree to being on time to the workshops because he needed to follow his heart, and if another human being or animal needed him, he would have to respect that… Hmm… This didn’t help my original “being surrounded by hippies” apprehension, but ok… Each to their own, right?  I think they got him to agree that if the sign said “do not disturb”, he would respect it and not enter; there were sighs of relief when he agreed!  A quick lesson in embracing all types I think.

The last thing we did was set an intention; I decided during the weekend I was going to be open to new experiences, make connections with awesome people (ok, I may have thought about connecting with an awesome playmate or two; I am human), but most of all, to open up more sexually so I could be an even more confident, sexually charged women when I got home (hubby yells “YEEHA” upon hearing that).  I also decided I would go intuitively as much as possible and allow myself to be guided to the workshops which might fulfill my intention.

Opening ceremony concluded and into the first workshop!

I wasn’t sure which one the workshops to go to since they both sounded awesome.  So in order to choose, I did what any woman would do when they are at Sex Camp; I asked a gorgeous man what he would suggest.   Unfortunately he had done both and liked both, but he said one was more physical (which I thought might tip me over the edge into pouncing on someone) and the other was deeper and more intellectual; working with heart and energy.  Either way, I was going to be connecting with new people and I was sure anyone who could sense energy was going to feel how horny I already was!

So I go to the Yoga of Intimacy workshop rather than the cuddle party.  I wanted something deeper and working with energy appealed to me (trusting my intuition).

Immediately I seemed to connect with a gorgeous younger man as we entered the room and decided to share the heater (it was so damn cold!)  Ridiculously on edge; I was trying hard not to imagine the two of us stripping each other bare in a passionate frenzy *breathes* as we were staring in each others eyes, having been instructed to do so to get an intuitive sense of who the other person was.

And so the workshop began!

Our fabulous facilitators were Arven and Kimberly. Initially we were educated about our intuitive sense, and the importance of paying attention to it, because it gives us so much more information about our world when we focus on it.

Arven asked us to line up; the men and women at different ends of the room, and asked us to form a line facing the other sex, then walk sloooooowwwwwly towards them until we were only a few inches away from each other.

Now I don’t have an issue with men, clearly, but energetically I found the wall of men bearing down on me a little intimidating.  That said, I think a wall of women or a mix would have been the same.  I was at the front of the wall of women; you know me, I like to be front and centre at the best of times, now was no different!  When I got within inches of the wall of men, we were instructed to just feel the energy and notice what was going on.

For me I noticed the energy changed from being a wall of energy to mixing with the front of the lines, doing like a circular motion; it was much less intimidating.  After a little while, Arven instructed us to walk through each other to the other side, and see what that felt like.   Well I didn’t feel like pouncing on anyone, so I was glad I came to this workshop to just simmer down a tad…

The next exercise Arven got the men to spread out around the room, and if they didn’t want to be touched, they just had to put their hand on their chest but their eyes remained closed for the duration.  Hmmm, I was curious as to where our facilitator was going with this; I had only just simmered down!

We were instructed to wander around the room and stop next to the different men and just sense whom we felt drawn to, or not; how they felt energetically, and to explore what we felt drawn to do to them (within reason… I think!)

The fact they had their eyes close automatically gave me an increased sense of freedom to do what I wanted, although I was still feeling a little on the timid side being in a room full of strangers.  I didn’t have any of my crew or my husband, so was missing my safety nets.

Some women got down on all fours and slinked around the legs of the men like purring cats… I was thinking “ok… not sure I’m that free loving just yet but something to aspire to”.  I did find myself noticing who I was drawn to and sensing the energy of each man; some felt very masculine and others a bit more precious or soft.

I was drawn to the gorgeous young man I connected with in the first exercise.  I stood right behind him, inches away from his back and just found myself getting in sync with his breathing… I put my hand on the middle of his back and closed my eyes for a moment… Mmmm, he felt sensual and open… I liked that.  Interesting though, I found when a bunch of other women started to surround him; I walked away and looked for who else I might be drawn to.  The coach in me was asking “so where else in life do I do that?!?” Damn coach brain; valid point though.

I wandered around and just went intuitively to another man on the other side of the room, older than me and not exactly sexy in looks but there was something about him I was drawn to.  He felt very masculine, peaceful, playful, sensual and very open and loving.  I was starting to wonder if I was just making this all up but one thing I have learned is to just go with it!  I found myself once again standing behind him but close; right inside his space.

I realised I do that often, I stand back while I get a feel for people or a place before I step into the middle, if at all.  People often think I’m the first in the limelight, or that I am completely comfortable in front of anyone but that’s not the case.  I have to warm up to people and situations, although the period of time is considerably shorter if I’ve had a few Jack and Dry’s!  This event was strictly a no drugs or alcohol event so I was all the more vulnerable… just what I needed!

Once I started to get a little more game I stood behind him and very slowly, and sensually, ran my hands down his arms from his shoulders to his hands and back up again… I stood so close he could feel my breath on his neck… Hmmm, so much for the simmer!  He responded positively to my touch and the feeling of me being so close to him.  It gave me a sense of control and empowerment to be the one igniting passion or arousal in others… yeah, I get a small kick out of it 🙂

I was just starting to get even more game when it was time to stop!  Damn!!

Next we had to do some work around getting permission for touch and the practice of saying no… We paired up and the men were instructed to sense what they would like to do to us, and then ask if they could.  I’m standing in front of a guy whom I am not attracted to and thinking “fuck! I hope he just wants to hold hands!”  Thankfully he was just interested in a hug and I had the choice to say yes or no.  I said yes and then thought: “why did I do that?” and the answer was because I don’t like making people feel bad.  D’oh, have to get over that!

After each question, and both sides having the opportunity to ask and choose to say yes, we were forced to say “no” and straight away go to the next person.  Can I just say, being given permission to say no without having to justify, explain or dampen it, was so empowering!  I decided to take it on in the future (thank you Sex Camp)!

At the end of the workshop we got some free flow time to wander in amongst each other and just feel the energy, touch with permission and do what felt right… there were lots of hugs, intense stares, sensual touches and smiles.  I felt this workshop really got me grounded and centered, as well as opening me up for the connections I would make and being open to new information.  Ahhhhh, what a way to start a weekend.

It was nearly midnight by the time we concluded, got our stuff to the dorms and started to wind down… well, in theory.  I had my presentation to do the next morning and there were too many people snoring in my dorm room so I couldn’t sleep… Instead I enjoyed time out in front of the open fire talking to a Dominatrix and a guy who was going to teach Sensual Rope Play!  I love my life 🙂

2am I finally crashed out and day 1 was done.  I still had 2 whole days to go and fell asleep wondering what other insights I would get, gems I would learn and people I would want to drag to my bunk and connect with on ALL levels 😉

(http://www.sexcamp.com.au – to find out more and when the next one is going to be run.  I will be there!!!)

(Check out Arven and Kimberly’s workshops which are like this and more –  www.livingfrequencies.com.au)

Sexy has almost become extinct for the average working woman. She has become very masculine in her efforts to keep up with self-imposed demand. I’ve been curious about this point for some time and have done much research. What we now know is the importance energy has to play in our daily lives, masculine and feminine energy in particular and how the balance between the two is critical for sustainability and longevity in a relationship – especially the one we have with ourselves. There is also a lot to be said about the consequences of feminism (yes there are consequences) and how we may have swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction without considering what it would mean to us 30, 40, 50 years in the future.

I am not going to bring on a political debate about feminism as I truly am thankful for what our mothers and grandmothers have done for us. The very fact that I can share this opinion with you through my own company, is the work of many great women. In my research, studies and a lifetime of working with women and coaching them, I have found that there are a lot of women who are not in touch with their deepest form of femininity – their sexuality and sensuality! They have turned into the provider, The Hunter!

It is essential for a modern woman to acknowledge, accept and cultivate her own sense of sexuality. Bringing sexy back into your life, or discovering it for the first time, is a gateway into your womanhood…. Owning it is your ‘Rites of Passage‘ and a birth right and much needed for sustained energy and innate confidence. Remember our primal instincts as a human being still exist…

In the book by Dr John Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, Dr Gray goes to mention that a woman is in her feminine prime and most in touch with her femininity when she is sexually active. I’ve done many readings in this area and come to conclude that a woman has access to the deepest part of her primal yearnings when she is having sex, feeling sensual and is most emotional connected (and emotionally intelligent) during this time. A woman needs sexual activity in order to harness her feminine energy with vigor and ownership.

Sex is one of the most powerful ways a woman can connect with her deepest emotions and hearts desires.

With most of the female population working, earning, striving, owning businesses, being the boss, being the leader, providing for families, setting goals and being driven toward success (all masculine traits and energy I might add), there is no wonder the polarity between the sexes is diminishing and divorce is on the rise. Not only that, there is an increasing amount of women not able to find a suitable mate that is ’strong enough’ to satiate her… There is little passion, less attraction, imagination or balance in our relationships and it’s high time we started to do something about it!

Ladies, no one is telling you to stop working or discontinue being the boss, however, it is important to understand that in continuing as you are, you are doing it with masculine energy, an unsustainable energy source for a woman – hence the exhaustion, overwhelm and low libido (or you could have an increased libido with a diminished, unresponsive partner). Women with masculine energy oozing out of them, contribute to the lack of attraction in their most intimate relationships and it emasculates the male partner also. Therefore, the attraction factor is even less as he is now trying to get in touch with his ‘emotions’ while he figures out why he is not feeling passion for his chick anymore… And so the cycle goes.

A woman is more likely to be in touch with her femininity when she is sexually active, when she desires sex, harnesses the energy it brings, and runs with the wolves of desire for its life giving and rejuvenating, sustenance. For a woman, sex is likened to the elixir of life, it is a gateway into the deepest realms of her emotional self.

So, working girl, What can you do to spice up your life? Get Real and Raw and discover your ‘GRRR Factor’? BRING SEXY BACK! By bringing sexy back into your life, you will find the much needed balance that owning your sensuality brings. How long has it been since you actually felt sexy, sensual and passionate? Really? And I don’t just mean in the bedroom.

Sexual energy is a sustainable force you can use all day, once you know how.

You don’t necessarily have to be with a partner to develop your sense of sensuality and inner strength, start with yourself first. ‘Self Sex‘ is a direct way of saucing up your intimate relationship with yourself and being more fulfilled in your partnership is then a bonus. The added benefits of self sex are massive… increased self esteem, self worth, physical satisfaction, body acceptance, innate confidence, stress relief…. Understanding your body brings about the ability to being vulnerable with another (your partner) and understanding how far you can go with yourself, gives you permission to go there with your partner too. WooHoo!

But it’s not just about sex and self sex. Bringing sexy back means taking care of yourself, feeling like you deserve to feel pretty and sensuous, fit and healthy and taking the time to nurture yourself everyday in some way. Most importantly, it’s about how you feel about yourself on the inside. Does this mean wearing a plunging neckline top to work to feel good? No it does not. Sexiness comes from within. It’s your ‘GRRR Factor’… something far more complex than wearing a short skirt and getting a wolf whistle (and lets not discredit the benefits of a harmless wolf whistle).

True sexiness is you being REAL and RAW, it’s owning your femininity and your womanhood on a level deeper than you may previously experienced. Owning your sexiness and developing your own brand of sensuality is your ‘Rite of Passage’ as a woman and the secret to finding balance between work, home, family and relationships.

I designed ‘THE SEALED SECTION’ Retreat weekend (31st-2nd Aug Brisbane’s Glass House Mountains) for this very purpose. It’s critical for women to discover a new way of being that encompasses all of your incredible beauty (accepting your mind body and soul), your dual nature and your nurturing feminine self and let’s remember your desire to achieve great success in a sustainable way. When a woman owns her sexuality and develops her own brand of sensuality, she immediately becomes a stronger, more playful and a more attractive woman – on the inside and out.

THE SEALED SECTION is for you because you deserve to have all of what life has to offer and by developing your sensual side and harnessing your GRRR Factor, you will discover what it takes to have the kind of relationship with yourself that gives you permission to speak up, be vulnerable and love who you are. In addition you will enjoy life without inhibitions and feel good about yourself.

THE SEALED SECTION Retreat is for you if you:

• Need time out of your life to regenerate, rejuvenate and revitalise
• You want to ‘Hot up’ or discover your ‘Super Mojo’
• You are in a relationship that needs a richer connection and more sexual fulfilment
• You want to give yourself permission to discover your sexuality and sensuality, so you can live a richer life
• You are a workaholic and simply don’t even recognise the words femininity, sex and girlfriends
• You want to learn to relate to yourself and others more authentically
• You want to take your already great relationship with yourself and others to the next level of intimacy and vulnerability

What will it cost you if you don’t attend?

How much longer can you wait to discover your ‘Real and Raw self’?

You will want to take action as soon as possible as there are only spaces for 16 people. This is a small and intimate retreat that can only cater to a small group due to the personal nature of the content, so please make your inquiries immediately. It’s going to push your buttons, I promise!

In the meantime ladies, consider what you can do to BRING SEXY BACK into your life? Just because we are ‘liberated’ women, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be feminine, soft sexy and needy. I need to feel love and I need to feel sexy, it’s how I go about getting those needs met that serves me (or not). Sexy for ME, is about ME and how it makes ME feel empowered, confident and self assured and if it involves another person, well he is the luckiest man on the planet….

Much lovin and self-sexin gals, I look forward to seeing you at THE SEALED SECTION!
BRING SEXY BACK!!!

Yours Real and Raw
Janelle Manton
http://www.topsecretwomensbusiness.com

Whether this is a new development in you, or it’s been there for some time there are a couple of choices…

You could:

1. Cheat – enjoy your bisexual playtime without telling them, after all what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?
2. Not tell them, which means you never fulfill those urges or explore that part of your sexuality and go quietly insane.
3. Tell them and potentially end up going your separate ways or evolving your relationship together.

They are your 3 main options and there is a high level of pain and uncertainty associated with every one of them. I’ll be totally honest, this secret does have the potential to make or break a relationship regardless of the choice you make so there’s really no easy option, and only one that keeps your integrity in tact…

What stops most people from sharing this with their partner? The same thing that stops us from doing anything… fear! Fear that they will be react with disgust (or another negative reaction), love you less, fear of being hurt or hurting them, and/or fear that they will leave you.

Some of you may think you already know how your partner will react and you know what? You might be right… but you might be wrong. Nobody knows how they will react to a situation until they are literally in it. Human beings also have a great capacity to change their minds when new information is presented or someone they truly love is now in that position. Sometimes people just need time to get used to the idea and sometimes a “no” is just a “not right now”.

So what should you do? Well it depends on how long you want to be in a relationship with them and what foundations you want that relationship to be based on.

If you want a relationship based on lies, deceit and fraud then options 1 and 2 are the way to go. Let me tell you from experience that it’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out either way. Cheating is hard work and when your partner finally finds out, it will break all trust and practically guarantee the end of that relationship, not to mention hurt them and potentially damage their ability to be in functional relationship after that. Surely you love them enough not to do that to them, right? And if you don’t maybe it’s time to move on anyway.

Keeping it to yourself and ignoring your desires/urges will only eat away at you over time, creating regret and resentment plus increasing the intensity of those desires because you are denying them. It’s like someone who goes on a diet and says to themselves “I can’t eat ”, then all they want is that food, the desire and urge grow so huge that most often they eventually give in and binge on it. If you deny yourself the time to explore those desires, what do you think will happen if they get too great to resist?

Having that secret can also create distance between you and your partner, as there will be a part of yourself that you never share with them and at some level they will know. The longer it goes on, the more they love the person you pretend to be and the harder you’ll find to keep up the charade, never really being happy because you can’t be your true self. If you end up having kids at some point that just makes it so much harder and more complicated to change, and imagine what you’d be teaching them by not being true to yourself… If you were giving advice to your child/valued friend/loved one, what would you tell them to do?

Now flip it and think about it from your partners point of view, would you want to be with someone who’s not being completely honest with you? Would you want to be in love with someone who is pretending to be a person they’re not for the sake of keeping you happy? If their secret was going to be something that was a deal breaker for you, wouldn’t you want to know sooner rather than later so you can both move on to find someone better suited to love and be loved by? Hard-hitting questions, I know, but in all seriousness, it’s important for you to see the bigger picture.

Option number 3 is the only option that keeps your integrity as a person and in your relationship. It’s the only option based on honesty, trust and respect and also the one with the highest immediate stakes. If you love your partner, you’ll share your bisexual desires and trust that whatever happens will be for the best for both of you.

Yes, they may come to the conclusion that this isn’t for them, end it and walk away. As hard as that could be, they would be doing you a favour. You can’t bring someone into your life that will love you unconditionally while you hold onto a relationship that isn’t 100% right for you, and it would be selfish of you to want to keep someone from finding someone else that’s more perfect for them.

If you tell them and they are open to working out a way forward with you, then you’ve taken steps to evolve your relationship, strengthen your bond and your relationship continues to be based on trust, honesty and respect for each other which are the perfect foundations to create a long term, fulfilling relationship on.

So there is really only one option that has a potentially positive ending and it starts with a conversation. It’s not an easy conversation to have but you’ll know one way or the other where you stand and what kind of relationship you currently have.

I’ve created something that might help. It’s a letter that you can give to your partner and it’s purpose is to break the ice, give them some information and open up the floor for you to start talking. The instructions and the letter are downloadable at the bottom of this article. If you have another way to start the conversation, fantastic, do that, if not, this may be a great way to get it started.

Whatever happens, however it goes, remember that the outcome will be for the best, for both of you. It’s time to be true to yourself…

Here’s to your sexual and relationship evolution!

(PS: If you use this, please let me know how it went so I can improve it or share the outcome with others )

Ok, so straight, bi and gay are well known and mostly accepted (depending on who you talk to)… but what about transgender and transsexuals?

I had a brilliant conversation with 2 awesome gay guys the other night and it occured to me that there is a whole other level of sexuality I hadn’t even considered!!! One of them was telling us about a friend of his who was a man but at some point became a woman… now just to help us all keep on track with this conversation, we’ll name him Tim and when he’s a woman – Tina! Are we all on the same page so far?

So Tim has taken hormones to start to look like Tina. Ok, I can cope with that… now the question of sexuality came up, who is he attracted to? He’s into men, so does that make him gay or straight? Did I mention this might be a brain bender discussion… anyway, to make things more interesting he doesn’t want to get the full chop and change sexes completely. He identifies himself as male, he just happens to like looking female.

Our other gay friend couldn’t get his head around why, if he’s happy to take hormones and dress as a woman that he wouldn’t want to do the complete change. Why be half and half? It’s a good question but apparently there are 2 kinds – those who still internally identify with their original sex and those who don’t, basically.

Tina by all accounts on the outside is female, but on the inside Tim enjoys the male parts he has, not unlike many bi men I know. This just limits the amount of people that are out there for Tim/Tina to find as a permanent partner though. He would have to find someone who likes him for who she is on the outside, but is essentially bi or gay…

There are other people out there that are transgender, so have done the full sex change, and are attracted to either sex. There are so many combinations of attraction and sexuality that my head is spinning… but I have come to a conclusion…

Sexuality isn’t black and white, there is a lot of grey areas and none of them right or wrong, no one is “confused” either… we’re just all exploring and working out what we like and what we don’t…

Here’s to your sexual evolution!

For men anyway! It’s not necessarily the case but for a lot of bi-curious men it seems that they have no issue with sucking another mans penis but kiss his lips and no, can’t go there! It’s almost like the old Pretty Woman scenario, everything else is just sex, but kissing is intimate and suggests love and affection which most men don’t have for another man, they just like what they can do to them.

So imagine my surprise when Mr Wonderful (aka Hubby) wants to try it! Now does that mean he’s turning gay? Let me tell you the answer to that one – NO! He’s just willing to explore his sexuality and see what he likes and what he doesn’t.

Exploring your sexuality can be a bit daunting, just like when you first started having sex. It’s awkward, you were nervous and fumbling, wondering if you were doing it right and not sure how to make a move or ask to do something you want to try… This is no different and you should be gentle with yourself as you go down this path.

We were lucky in that I had a gay friend… well, lucky for Mr Wonderful! He’s not into girls or girl bits at all so my involvement is limited. We went out one night to a gay club and as you do when you go out, you have a few drinks and such to relax and chill out… well, he relaxed alright, had his first boy kiss and then couldn’t get enough of it! Initially prompted by his altered state but he’s continued to enjoy it since.

The key is to explore with people who are not only completely comfortable with their own sexuality, bi or gay, but also that you feel really comfortable with. Our gay friend has been really good for Mr Wonderful to be able to try all sorts of new things, and all 3 of us are extremely comfortable around each other which I think comes from being able to talk openly about everything.

So now it seems we have a wife, a husband and his gay lover… maybe I should find myself a gorgeous lesbian lover too… Are there books on relationships like this? Ooh, maybe I should write one…

Here’s to your sexual evolutions!

I find it really interesting that as soon as you change your profile to bi-curious/bi that all of a sudden some couples don’t come near you… it’s that fear of “what if they touch me…”, almost a homophobic response… well it is really, isn’t it.

I guess what they don’t understand is that bi/gay people are not attracted to all others of the same sex, it doesn’t work that way. Just like hetrosexual people aren’t attracted to everyone of the opposite sex.

If someone expresses no interested in you, you tend to leave them alone. It’s the same with bi/gay people. In a swinging situation, if one or both of the other couple are expressly straight, we stay with “straight” play even if we’re attracted to the partner of the same sex. In most cases, Mr Wonderful isn’t really attracted to the guys anyway, it’s only been one person he’s felt comfortable enough to go there with so 99.9% of the male population is “safe”.

Actually, if he’s in a situation with straight people he is conscious of not making anyone uncomfortable as he used to have no interest in men at all. He’ll only participate in bi-play if there are others in the room doing the same thing, and most people we know who are bi/bi-curious are exactly the same.

This is to the straight people out there… if they have bi/bi-curious on their profile in only means they participate in extra activities when there are others in the room that are open to going there (and that’s not always a rule either, they may not be attracted to anyone of the same sex on that occasion). So if you like a couple who are bi, don’t let their sexual orientation be the reason you don’t meet them because chances are that they are probably more easy going and lots of fun to be with.

Here’s to your sexual evolution!

You know what’s interesting? The amount of women who play bi… I myself did that in the beginning and it was because the reaction I got was too good not to partake! Almost a power trip in itself. Picture it; a crowded dance floor, an unequal amount of women to men, 2 women in the middle dancing suggestively together… where is the attention? On the 2 women! Who has the power in that moment? The 2 women! And that’s a fun place to be !

How did I know I wasn’t bi? Because it didn’t do anything for me; I didn’t look at a woman and go “damn she’s fine! I wouldn’t mind a piece of that!” In the back of my head I wished I was though, isn’t that interesting. I’ll have to explore why that is at some point…

So for the beginning it was a bit of an act, and I felt like it was always going to feel a bit weird to me kissing and playing with women… until this one day, in band camp… kidding! There was this one girl, a friend of mine whom I hadn’t really had a chance to get to know until we were away together. We had some quality time chatting about personal stuff (relationships and men!!!) and then on the last night (party night!), we got a bit drunk (as you do) we were talking, hugging each other and then it struck me that I REALLY liked her… and not just in a friendship way. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and play with her… now where the hell did that come from? This was a whole new feeling for me and wasn’t quite sure how to handle it since I knew she was straight! Yikes! You’d think that I could have at least felt that way about a woman who was bi! Damn it!

Well it completely threw me, since when did I have feelings for girls?!?! Well, it seems that it doesn’t happen with every girl! I played with other women after that when we had couples over or in a group situation, but I didn’t find that same connection, thought maybe it was a one off… until… this one weekend we were out and I ran into a girl I hadn’t seen in ages and in a club where she was all dressed for the occasion, she looked damn hot! I couldn’t take my eyes off her! Number 2! But I don’t think she was interested in me, even though she told me she “thinks” she’s gay! Arrggghhh… 2 gorgeous women that I actually wanted to play with and couldn’t!

Well, there is always a happy ending isn’t there? lol! This weekend we were invited to a party.. you know, one of those kinds of parties, 14 people (6 couples and 2 single guys)… this couple arrived after us when we were all sitting around chatting, drinking, stripping thanks to a good old game of spin the bottle… When she took her jacket off I was gobsmacked at how gorgeous she was, with the most awesome body which was enhanced by the tiny outfit she had on her. I looked straight at our single playmate, him and I had the same look on our face – “Goddamn! She is HOT!”

At that point I was just admiring her gorgeousness, but as the night went on and I got to play with her I really started to enjoy it! I wanted to play with her and do all the things bi/gay girls would do together… again, surprised by how I felt but loved it all the same, and the best part was that she wanted to play with me too! Yeeha!

So my conclusion is… it’s just a matter of finding someone you click with on that level to explore that side of yourself. I pushed it by doing it anyway, and that was fun, but not as much fun as exploring it with someone you connect and feel comfortable with, it makes all the difference. Oh, and hubby has found that special someone too… now being a bi couple, that opens up some doors and options! Bring on the fun!

Here’s to your sexual evolution!

Could you start straight, and move to bisexual or gay?

Or do you stay whatever you are for your whole life?

Ponder this for a second, could you get a very gay man who’s been exclusively gay for over a decade, and with no desire to play with girls, kiss one after 11 years and actually like it?

Could you get a very straight man that isn’t even keen to have another man in the room while he’s having sex, turn around and decide that he wants to play with men?

Are you tired of me asking questions?

Ok, I’ll stop. So this all started going through my head just recently when said gay man kissed this girl! Yes, me! I have to say I was stunned and kind of flattered all at the same time. He’s a gorgeous man so that wasn’t the issue but it threw my version of reality completely out and made me start to question the whole concept of sexuality.

I had to ask, did this mean he was now becoming more bi-sexual? I did actually ask him and while he’s pretty sure that there are a lot of things he isn’t interested in doing with girls, he did enjoy kissing me. He came back numerous times during the evening for more so that kind of gave it away!

When I sat and thought about it though, I found evidence to suggest that sexuality is fluid. I’ll explain further but let me share this…

I used to be what I considered “straight”, now I’m more bi-curious and heading towards bi sexual. I’m pretty sure I won’t go any further than that, however, I’m wondering… Is it possible?

Will hubby and I both play in the bi zone for a period of time, get our fill (so to speak) and then go back to “straight”? Or will we never go back? I don’t think I can answer all of those questions. I do think you can swing either way but naturally you’ll have a limit or zone.

It’s not a comfort zone as such but just to keep it clear, I’m going to call it the “swing zone”. Now I’m not saying everyone is naturally a swinger (although I think deep down we all want to be!), just that we have zone in the sexuality scale that we swing between.

So imagine a scale between 0 and 6; 0 as being completely straight to the point of being homophobic and 6 to the point of almost being straightaphobic! Is there such a thing? Neither may be “phobic” as such but the idea of having intimate contact with someone at the opposite end of the scale induces an “eeewwwwww” factor!

Now to fill in the details of the scale (which is basically the “Kinsey scale” that you can Google later), number 3 would be the only number that swings both ways and can easily be in a relationship with either sex. That leaves some numbers and variations in between each, correct? Are you with me still?

Let me draw you a picture…

0______1______2______3______4______5______6

0 = Very Straight 3 = Very Bi 6 = Very Gay

So what numbers do we have left?

1 = Ok with having another person of the same sex in the room during playtime, might even be a little curious and starting to explore.

2 = Is playing in the bi-sexual world and engaging in same sex play but couldn’t be in a relationship with someone of the same sex.

4 = Is more gay than bi-sexual but can play with either sex, prefers to be in a relationship with the same sex though.

5 = Even more gay than 4, is there such a thing as straight curious?

Ok, now that we have that straight (or gay), imagine taking a highlighter and highlighting just a few numbers or what I’m calling a “swing zone”. Let’s use me as a live example.

I was probably never really a full 0, but still fairly straight so your highlighter could start at 0.5. I can’t say that I’ll ever be a full 3 either, but am happy to play with everything up to that point so you could highlight all the way up to 2.5? That’s my swing zone.

So I can change from being mostly bi to mostly straight at different times and whenever it suits me. Now, to make it more interesting, 10 years ago I would have never seen myself get past a 1. So this begs the question, can your swing zone change or extend?

When I met my husband his swing zone would have been between 0 and 0.5. He wasn’t even sure he’d like the idea of another man in the room while we were having sex, let-a-lone actually touch one.

That was then… now however; he has no reservations about kissing a gay man in a straight pub on a Friday evening when the place is packed! Well, that might have something to do with the shock factor of doing it but that’s a whole other article!

These days it seems he’s more bi-sexual than I am but not quite to the point where he’d be in a relationship with a man, so maybe a 2.8 on our scale? His swing zone has extended a fair bit wouldn’t you say? That said I can’t see him going back to a 0 so his swing zone is likely between 1 and 2.8.

See what I mean? Its fluid; it changes and it can change back too!

I met a guy who was full on into same sex play, probably being at least a 2.5 on the scale when he was in his early 20’s. He’s now married to a lovely woman and has no desire to do it again. She doesn’t mind the idea but he’s “done it” and is happy as he is now. So his swing zone is still between 1 and 2.5 but he’s currently a 1.

So what about you? What’s your swing zone?

Could you see yourself moving up or down the scale?

Either way, whatever it is now doesn’t mean that’s what it will always be and I think the first step is just being open to the idea that it can change…

Here’s to your sexual evolution!