Creating rock-solid, freedom-based relationships where monogamy is optional…

Who Is Rach Wilson?

Chantelle Austin International's Specialist Coach & Mentor in Non-Monogamy and Open Relationships Internationally

Are We Naturally Monogamous?

… nah…. lol

I have a theory on this (note: this is just my theory, although shared by many)… I say “absolutely no, we’re not!” Here’s why: We don’t marry and stay with the first person we have sex with (and thank god!) It’s also natural for us to be walking along in our own little world, checking out the scenery and to have our attention captured by some gorgeous looking model specimen of a human being. Anyone who says they “don’t look” is either lying to their partner so they don’t get upset, or blind!

Now I for one am the first to comment on some sexy man or woman that is within view, if hubby hasn’t made some comment about them first. We both accept that this is natural behaviour and attach no meaning to it other than we can appreciate someone that looks good. We might notice them and point out how hot they are but looks aren’t everything and we know we are still going home together… besides, if he didn’t notice other sexy women, I’d be worried there was something wrong with him.

So what is it that says we should be monogamous? Well, its become a tradition in our society… we are supposed to marry someone and the sacred sacrament of marriage dictates that they will be our only partner from then till death do you part! Who’s idea was that? Were we always like this? Hmmm, religion has a lot to answer for! There are societies in the world where this is not the case (don’t ask me which ones, I don’t have time for research, I just recall reading something somewhere that talked about it).

So we are sheep to some extent; we followed what our parents did, what society expects and we marry with the intention (in most cases) that this will be our partner for life. I accept that, but here is something else I have confirmed and have proven – you will not get struck down with lightning if you swing! If you are a consenting adult, married or with another consenting adult and you both consent to adding more consenting adults to your relationship, then I say good on you! There is nothing “wrong” and you aren’t going to get into trouble doing so.

When we take ourselves out of the traditions and conditioned thinking that we will only fall in love with one person and that will be our partner in life, we open ourselves up to our real capacity for loving (ok, now we’re sounding hippy, but just ponder the thought)… we have the capacity to love more than we let ourselves. There are other people out there who get this concept and while I don’t necessarily agree with their choices of marrying multiple partners without them knowing, some of them will tell you that they love them all.

Now for me I have worked out that you can love people at different depths and in different ways, yet still call it “love”. I love Mr Wonderful with greatest depth I have ever known and truly believe we are “soul mates”, but I also “love” some of my playmates, not to be confused as the same love I feel for my husband but a type of love all the same. Am I weird? Maybe but by allowing myself to feel things for other people, I increase my capacity to love in general…

Ok, done with the really sappy stuff… another reason we’re not meant to be monogamous – we like variety! Well 90% of us do, some more than others. One sexual partner for the rest of your life? No way, there is only so much you can do with one person!!! Where is the fun in that? So bring in an extra person ,or at the very least, some new toys and stories about other people to spice it up! If your sex life isn’t satisfying, look at the effect it has on the rest of your life… Think about a time where the sex was hot and passionate, how was the rest of life then? I swear they are interlinked, so if you’re bored in bed… how’s life?

At the end of they day, you’re consenting adults and whatever is right for you, is right for you.. my purpose here was to get you thinking and potentially questioning why you don’t follow your natural urges and whether or not you are living traditionally because you want to (which is perfectly fine) or if you are just doing it because that’s “how it’s done”… Just a thought, and probably a controversial one, lol!

If you are curious and want to learn more about a swinging lifestyle, or have already decided to get into it, check out a book I wrote just for you; “The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples“. Until then…

Here’s to your sexual evolution!

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