It’s up to you if you want people to know what you get up to… or not. You could keep it a secret so you can still have that cheeky grin on a Monday morning when asked if you had a good weekend knowing you’ve had sleepless, hot, erotic and playful nights with your partner and maybe various others… There may even be pictures or video but you say nothing…

Regardless, it’s not so important why you want to tell a particular person, I mean we all tell people for various reasons... Such as to brag, or to let someone know we’re not really taken and if they had any wild fantasies about stripping us naked with their teeth and pinning us up against a wall, then the door is open for them… or something like that.

What is important is to look at the possible left-fielders that might derail your life if it became known that you engage in sex outside your marriage/partnership. Here are a few questions to help you determine how casual you can be about your swinging lifestyle or how secretive you should be:

Swinging is becoming a hot topic and I thought it might be a good time to clear up some of the misconceptions people have about swinging and swingers... These are not the only misconceptions but they are some of the ones I've been hearing lately, or have experienced myself. So here it goes...

1. Despite what you might think, swingers are NOT all old, fat and ugly... Based on my experience, the majority are between 25 and 40, some are in model condition and others have fuller figures but many are quite sexy. There is a good mix of your average person and your professional, parents and business owners. There are all types who engage in the lifestyle so you really can't stereotype what a swinger looks like.

He and his beautiful wife were swingers!

If all of his needs were being met, he wouldn’t feel the need for anything else. The fact he had a physical affair with another woman (or more) doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his wife but that potentially he has a need for variety that’s not being fulfilled. It makes complete sense that if they were swingers this whole situation wouldn’t have happened, now doesn’t it?

It’s a “have your cake and eat it too” lifestyle that has provided many couples the variety they need in their sex life to keep their relationship full of love and passion. Seriously, there are only so many positions and toys you can use when it’s just 2 of you before you’ve done everything you can do together… the options become limitless when you add a third, and forth or more!

Introducing swinging to the relationship can have various effects, some good, some not so good and some that are unexpectedly awesome. We’ve seen some and experienced others, and while every relationship is different, there are a few outcomes that tend to be experienced more than the others.

There is a fine line and it’s a pretty clear one if crossed. Here is the best way to define the difference, at least for me:

It’s swinging if both partners fully aware of EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING!!! It becomes cheating if you find yourself or your partner hiding things; doing things in secret and behind each other’s backs.

Basically if you feel you have to hide something, you’re cheating. Now this could be as simple as hiding some naughty text messages you’ve received from someone, it could be an email or the fact you are meeting them for a quick chat on the spur of the moment, or stealing a kiss. If you find yourself doing any of these and not sharing them with your partner, you need to be aware that you’re crossing the line from swinging to cheating.

Whether this is a new development in you, or it’s been there for some time there are a couple of choices…

You could:

1. Cheat – enjoy your bisexual playtime without telling them, after all what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?
2. Not tell them, which means you never fulfill those urges or explore that part of your sexuality and go quietly insane.
3. Tell them and potentially end up going your separate ways or evolving your relationship together.

They are your 3 main options and there is a high level of pain and uncertainty associated with every one of them. I’ll be totally honest, this secret does have the potential to make or break a relationship regardless of the choice you make so there’s really no easy option, and only one that keeps your integrity in tact…

This could mean a few different things but either way it's a neon sign flashing a message at you to say “you need to change something”!

In my first marriage I always said “if either one of us starts to have feelings for someone else, it means there is something wrong here”. Never in a million years did I think it would be me, but in the end, it was.

You can get into a rut in your relationship and sometimes you don't realise it. You start to run on auto-pilot mode; doing the same things, going about your day the same way and basically coexisting together rather than being in a relationship with each other. Relationships are a living entity and require constant nourishment, love and attention, and when that stops happening, the relationship slowly dies.

Well after I wrote a post about my mental struggle around participating in a gang bang and what that meant about who I was about a week or so ago, I received a brilliant comment which both reminded me how programmed I really was and also what the big picture is.

We’re programmed to believe that being promiscuous, or a slut is a bad thing and what is that really? It’s a judgment, damn it! The one thing I pride myself on NOT doing. Coming from someone who works hard to accept others as they are, I was judging myself! I had come to the conclusion that I wasn’t a slut because I was selective about whom I slept with but what does that say about people who aren’t selective? And is that really “wrong”?

Let’s just say that when you see the DJ banging a hot little thing over the mixing deck, while mixing music, then it’s a fair indication that anything goes!

Welcome to my first Saints and Sinners Ball. While I wasn’t shocked by what I saw (well mostly, there was this one girl that… hang on, I’ll come back to that), it was a new experience and quite a liberating one at that!

Imagine a night club, where everyone is wearing underwear/lingerie or less, it’s mostly ok to flirt with anyone and no one bats an eye lid if you engage in a 3some or moresome with a strap on, on the side of the dance floor (kudos to you guys, that was great to watch!)… ok so while they may not bat an eyelid, they may watch and get inspired to do something themselves; talk about a stimulating place to be!